我愿与你分享我的变装心路历程

武汉小雪

I am a heterosexual cross dresser and I would like to share my experience with you as a cross dresser in a conservative society.
（我是一个异性恋变装者，我愿意与你们分享我作为一个保守社会的变装者的经历。）

It is only by coming out and becoming more visible that society will change it's attitudes.
（只有表达出来，让更多的人看得见，社会才可能改变它的态度。）

For about 15 years of my life I have been keeping my cross dressing personality a secret.
（在我的15年左右的生活中，我一直把我个人的变装作为一个秘密。）

I have been scared to tell my friends and family.
（我不愿意将此秘密告诉我的朋友和家人。）

I started when I was ten years old but I think that the desire was there a lot earlier, but it may have been covered up by my disability.
（我10岁开始变装，但是，我想，变装的渴望比这早得多，可能是我的无能为力掩盖了这个渴望。）

At this stage I was still getting used to the fact that I had a disability.
（在这个阶段，我仍然习惯于我无能为力这个事实。）

I must have known that cross-dressing was unusual because I never told anyone what I was feeling about this issue.
（我一定知道，变装是一件不同寻常的事，因为我从来没有告诉任何人我对这个问题的感受。）

I didn't really see it as a coming out; is until the last few years when I realised that this issue is a big part of my life.
（那时，我并不是真正地将变装看成是“释放自己”，直到最近几年，当我认识到，这个问题是我生活的一个重要部分时，才认识到这一点。）

I makes me feel good about myself and I enjoy it.
（我使我自我感觉良好，我非常欣赏自己变装。）

I don't want to stop cross dressing just because society doesn't understand it.
（我不想停止变装，正是因为社会并不理解变装。）

The fact that I am heterosexual and a cross dresser makes it more difficult for society to understand.
（我是一个异性恋者和变装者，这个事实使社会更加难以理解我。）

About 90 percent of cross dressers are heterosexual (this statistic is pointed out in most encyclopedias) but the are not visible because they are too scared to "come out" and be seen. （大约90%的变装者是异性恋者---在大多数的百科全书中都有这个统计数字---但是，看不见这些变装者，因为他们太胆怯，不敢“走出来”被人看见。）

I like to dress up and walk around town.
（我喜欢打扮得花枝招展，在城里逛逛。）

I like to be seen by others because I really can't see anything wrong with cross dressing.
（我喜欢被人家看见，因为我实在看不出变装有什么不妥之处。）

I have been involved in challenging the so called norm of society all my life as a result of my physical disability, and I really hate having to hide my cross dressing personality.
（由于我的身体方面的无能为力，我一生都卷入在向社会的所谓的准则进行挑战的斗争中。我真厌烦我不得不掩盖我变装的个人脾性。）

When I dress up in town, it is usually in a particular area where I feel the most confident because of people's attitudes there.
（当我在城里花枝招展打扮起来的时候，通常是在某个特殊的地区，在那里我最有信心，因为那儿的人们的态度使所然。）

I have been to several of the cafes in the area cross dressed and I feel relaxed. 我曾经变装到这个地区的几家咖啡馆去过，我感到十分轻松。）

I am not turning my head in all directions making sure that there is no one I know who's spotted me.
（我没有回头四下张望，看有没有人在跟踪我。）

I don't cross dress in my local area because it is a Sall community, and it is bound to get back to my parents, whom I am not ready to tell.
（在我住的地方，我不变装，因为那是一个很小的社区，肯定会被父母亲看见，我不打算告诉他们我的变装事。）

I would love to be able to cross dress in my local area, and I am trying to wear less obvious female clothing like sweatshirts but I am just not ready to take the risk and wear a skirt and high heels, although I have on occasion.
（我到是喜欢能在本地区变装，我尽力穿不太明显的女装，比如长裙子，但是，我不想穿迷你裙和高根鞋，去冒这个险。）

People know me because they identify the disability first regardless of whether I am wearing a dress or not.
（人们知道我，因为他们首先能识别出我的无能为力，不管我穿女人衣服与否。）

A friend of mine once said that it is difficult for society to accept cross dressing because when a person is cross dressed it is usually very obvious and society does not like visible differences.
（我的一个朋友曾经对我说，要让社会接纳变装很难，因为当一个人变装时，通常是显而易见的，而社会不喜欢明显的差异。）

I agree with this idea because I have grown up with a visible all my life with my physical disability and know of the negativity that people who don't understand can display.
（我同意这个观点，因为我一生在成长过程中都带着这个明显的身体上的缺陷，知道人们不理解的否定态度总能表现出来。）

It has been difficult for me to accept and understand in the past, but I have decided not to worry about issues like why do I cross dress?
（过去要我接受和理解这点是很困难的，但是，我下定决心，不为我为什么要变装而困扰。）

What's my psychological profile? etc... and get on with my life; cross dress when I feel like cross dressing.
（当我变装时，也不担心我的心理状况是什么，等等，就这样变装生活下去 。）

When I came out to my sister and her partner at the end of the last year I felt a great weight being lifted off my shoulders.
（去年岁末，我变装去见我姐姐和她的朋友时，我感到双肩如释重负。）

I began to keep my "female" clothes in my room and was able to cross dress at home.
（我开始在我的屋子里保存“女性”衣服，而且可能在家里变装。）
I feel I can relax and enjoy cross dressing more and not feel so terrified of being found out.
我感到我可以放松自己，更加愉快地变装，被人发现也不会恐惧了。）
I'm still a bit nervous, but hopefully that will decrease over time.
（我仍然有点紧张，但是希望随着时间的流逝，这种紧张会慢慢减少。）
A number of events have occurred which make me hopeful that society may be slowly changing it's attitude in a positive way to cross dressing.
发生了几件事情，使我充满了希望，社会会慢慢地朝着正确的方向，改变它对变装的态度。
I don't know have many friends who know about my alter-ego, but I have developed relationships with associates (for example, shoe-sales person and beauty therapist).
我不知道有多少朋友了解我的改变了的自我，但是，我已经与同事有了联系（比如，鞋子售货员和美容理疗员）。
I would like to describe some personal examples which illustrate this point:
我愿意描述几个样板人物，以说明这个观点：

我愿与你分享我的变装心路历程（2）（英汉对照）




I was dressed as a guy this day and went over to the shop owner and said that I wanted to put some money down on the dress. 那天，我打扮成小伙子，到商店去，对老板说：我要花钱买女人衣服。

The owner was having a cup of coffee with another customer. 老板正和另外一个顾客在喝咖啡。

When the owner took the dress down from the rack ( so that I could se it again), the other customer asked me if the dress was for my girlfriend.
当老板从货架上取下女服装时，那个顾客问我是不是给女朋友买的。

Before I had time to say anything the owner said, " No it's for him, he cross dresses".
我还来不及回答，老板就说：“不，是给他自己买的。他是变装者”。

Part of me felt embarrassed but another part of me (a bigger part) thought how wonderful it was that the shop owner had the confidence to say this.
一部分的我感到尴尬，另外一部分的我（更大的一部分）感到：老板很自信地这样说，多美妙啊！

I go there quite regularly now and we became on good terms with each other, which is really great because it just makes shopping there a pleasurable experience - not just focused on making a profit but taking an interest in her customers.现在，我经常到那儿去，我们相处得很好，这真是棒啊，因为这使我到那儿购物成了一种愉快的经历---不仅考虑赚钱，还对顾客产生了兴趣。

The second example was when I was in Wellington in 1993.
第二个例子发生在1993年，当时我在惠灵顿。

I went into one shop to buy a dress I had seen in the window.
我走进一家商店，去买我在窗橱里看到的女人衣服。

This was my first time in this shop and I was in guys clothes ( I was wearing pantihose under my jeans).
我是第一次到这个商店，我穿着男人衣服（我的牛仔裤里面穿的是裤袜）。

I went over to the dressrack, took the particular dress off the rack and looked at it for a while.
我走到货架前，取下那件女人衣服，我打量了一会儿。

The owner of the shop came over and asked me whether I would like to try the dress on. I couldn't believe this.
商店老板走过来，问我要不要试穿一下。

I jumped at the opportunity. Unfortunately the dress I wanted didn't fit, but the owner spent about an hour helping me find another dress. I felt great!
我不敢相信这是真的。我抓住这个机会。不幸的是，我喜欢的那件女服不合身，但是，女老板花了大约一个小时，帮我选了另一件女衣服。我感觉棒极了？



The third example was when I walked into a shoe shop a few weeks ago, again in guys clothes (I had tights on under my jeans).
第三个事例是：几个星期前，我走进一家鞋店，我还是穿着男孩子的衣服（我在牛仔裤里面穿的是女人紧身内裤）。
I said to the owner that this may be a stupid question, but I would like to buy a pair of shoes like this (black, suede high heels) for myself.
我对老板说：这也许是个愚蠢问题，但是，我想为自己买双这样的鞋子（黑色、高跟鞋）。
She just said don't be silly, of course you can buy them for yourself.
她只是说别发傻了，你当然可以给自己买这些东西。
She then spent the next half hour getting a pair of shoes to fit nicely. Since then I have been in the store a few times.
然后，她花了半个小时，找了一双合脚的鞋子。打那以后，我几次去那商店买东西。
They really make me feel welcome.
他们真地是我有受到抬举的感觉。
Once, I was cross dressed and had full makeup on I went into this shoe shop and one of the owners said to the other one, "Doesn't she look great",
" Yes she does".
有一次，我变装并且化着浓妆走进这家鞋店，一个店主对另外一个店主说：“她看起来真美啊！”“的确，她很美。”



Identifying me as a she made me feel great and pointed out to me that this "problem" (not my problem, but society's) is more than just wearing the clothes of the other sex, but the actual identification as a female.
被人当成“她”使我感到异常高兴，这也是使我看出这个“问题”（不是我的问题，而是社会的问题）不仅仅是穿上异性服装的问题，而是要实际被人当成女性的问题。

I don't think that I'll ever change my sex but maybe there is a Sall part of me that wishes that I had been born a female.
我想我决不会转换我的性别，但是，在我身上仍然有一点可能，我希望自己出生时是女孩子。
The fourth and final example happened a few months later when I discovered a beauty and fashion clinic.
第四个事例发生在几个星期后，那时，我找到一家美容时尚诊所。

I have been there three times, for a make-over, fashion analysis and a leg wax.
我到那儿去了三次，去作女性化妆、作世上分析和退步脱毛。

The first time I went dressed up as a guy and just asked whether they would mind giving makeover on a guy.
第一次，我穿男孩子衣服，只是问他们是否愿意给男小伙子做女性化妆。

A few months later I made the first appointment for a makeover and have since always been dressed as a female, when I go there. 几个星期后，我做了第一个女性化妆预约，自此以后，我去那儿时，总是打扮成女人。

The staff make me feel so comfortable and told me that I would be welcome to fashion shows that they hold at times (cross dressed).
那儿的雇员使我感到非常舒服，他们告诉我，欢迎我参加他们时常举行的时装（变装）表演。

我愿与你分享我的变装心路历程（3）（英汉对照）

When I asked her about the other clients who may also be at the show she said she really didn't care what the others felt about a guy dressed as a woman.
当我问她有关其他也可能参加时装表演的顾客时，她回答说，她对男孩子打扮成女孩子，其他人会有什么看法，她真地无所谓。

When I went for my fashion analysis the beautician did not seem to have any problem with doing the analysis on me from a female perspective.
当我为时装表演做分析准备时，美容师似乎毫无问题，对我做女人前景进行分析。

This made me feel absolutely wonderful.
这是我感到异常高兴。

Other examples like this have happened over a few years and they have made me feel really good about myself; that I'm not doing anything wrong.
像这样的其他事例在几年中连续发生，使我自我感觉十分良好，我没有做错任何事情。

I don't know whether these examples are indicative of society's changing attitudes or whether that I have been really lucky meeting the right people at the right time.
我不知道这些事例是否能表明社会的态度在改变，或者是否是我很幸运，在正确的时间遇上正确的人了。

The only things I don't like about these relationships is the fact that they are based on a customer-retailer basis.
在这些关系中，我不喜欢的其他事情是，它们是建立在顾客-商贩的基础上的。

I would just like to be able transform the relationship from professional to personal.
我只是希望能将这种关系从专业关系转变成私人关系。

One of my best friends who I have known since I was five years old, recently found out that I cross dressed.
我从5岁起就认识的一个最要好的朋友，最近发现我在变装。

I couldn't believe how good he was with accepting the fact that I like to cross dress, although I think he was a bit annoyed about the fact that I hadn't told him about my cross dressing until now.
我认为，他接受我的变装事实会有多么好，但是，我仍然认为，知道此时我才告诉他我变装这个事实，仍然使他有点不高兴。

He said to me that people don't understand or accept this issue because it is not an issue that has really been addressed and hasn't reached the consciousness of society.
他对我说，人们不理解或者不接受变装这个问题，因为它不是一个问题，它不需要纠正，也没有引起社会的关注。

I remember like my sister not wanting to go to ballet class, there I was wanting to, partly because I knew that guys were allowed to wear leotard and tights (my first cross dressing experience was when I wore my sister's tights).
我记得，我姐姐不喜欢上芭蕾舞课一样，而我愿意去，部分原因是，我知道，跳芭蕾舞男孩子也可穿紧身的衣裤。（我的第一次变装就是穿我姐姐的女人紧身衣裤。）

I also remember at school when I was eight or nine years old my teacher had brought her daughter's tutu and asked anyone if they wanted to try it on.
我还记得，我八、九岁上学时，我的老师把她女儿的跳舞短裙带到教室里，问我们有没有人要穿。

Some of the boys tried it on, but I thought to myself no, no way.
有的男孩子试穿过，但是，我心里想到，不行，不行。

I was scared of admitting that I was a cross dresser and this was a mechaniS that I used to cope with.
我害怕承认自己是变装者，这是我过去经常要应付的事情。

There were other experiences like this, where I tried to dent that I really wanted to wear female clothes.
类似的经历还有一些，我尽量削弱这种想法，我真地想穿女人衣服。

I have been to several counsellors over the past few years.
在过去的几年中，我曾经找过几个人咨询。

Partly because a Sall part of me wanted to find a "cure", but mostly I wanted to be able to relax for while cross dressed.
部分原因是，我身上有一小部分想得到“治疗”，但是，大部分都想能够以变装而得到轻松和释放。

The cure part was because I realised that by cross dressing I had pushed myself to the margins of society and have made my life possibly made my life difficult.
想要治疗，是因为我认识到，由于我变装，我把自己推倒了社会的边缘，使我的生活很困难。

I really don't want to stop cross dressing.
我的确不愿意放弃变装。

I think I am still in the coming out process.
我认为，我仍然处在走出去的过程中。

I actually want to dress as female more often.
我实际上更多的时候是想打扮成女人。

I hope that in 5 or 10 years time there will be more tolerance of this issue.
我希望在5年或6年的时间内，人们对这个问题能够更加容忍。

Perhaps we make up a third new sex, and we should focus on being recognised as a third sex.
大概，我们能够制造一个新的第三性别，我们应该致力于被当成第三性别。

One day I hope to be able to walk down the street and feel as confident wearing a skirt or dress as I do wearing guys clothing.
有朝一日，我希望能够穿着裙子，或者穿着男人衣服，在大街上自由行走，而且信心十足。

I hope that one day I will be able to cross dress at work and able to accept cross dressing as a normal part of life.
我希望，到那一天，我能够变装上班，能够将变装成为我生活的一个正常组成部分。

李丽李娜

谢谢你的好文章.喜欢你的观点.好羡慕你有那样的经历.

喜欢做女人

这是 lz的

偷天换日

每天进步一点点,社会就会有改变.

麻雀

真是人才啊~文章很好,英文翻译也很棒对**四级有帮助哦!

红裙子

你的经历让我羡慕，同时我发现在外国，人们有那样宽容的态度来对待 CD我好羡慕。希望我自己的国家也能 有一个宽容的环境，来容纳我们着一群体。

chichu9733

同意楼上的观点

心之归依

在你的生活圈子里，你穿女装时间长了，人们自然就认同你的穿着了。我就是用了快一年时间，才没人对我穿女装说话了

超短的短裙

Great.
Thank u.

丁妮

写得很好，也很实在，有许多观点我非常赞同。

[ 本帖最后由 丁妮 于 2008-2-8 06:09 编辑 ]